5 min read

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Jul 26, 2013 3:15:00 AM

Are today’s executives doing a good job at balancing their work and their personal lives?

Recently I connected with Bruce Gobdel and Tony Hutti to gain their perspective. After long and successful careers in management and public accounting, they are involved in mentoring leaders as part of the executive roundtable groups they facilitate.

Hutti said, "I think some are getting better at balancing business and personal, but they need to give the same level of intensity to their personal life as they do to their business. I think they don't realize that they could use some of the same tools they use in their work - core values, regularly scheduled meetings, or key metrics. I know it might sound kind of formal, but it works!"

I asked friend and fellow CEO Matt Tyler how he handles it all. Matt heads up Vickers Engineering in New Troy, Michigan, and has a younger family. “I'm a believer in life stages. Plan for the future, but live in the now. Enjoy the now. Experience the now,” said Matt.

He sees the stages as childhood, high school, college, your 20s, married with babies, active kids (where he is now), empty nesters, and retirement. “Each is independent from the other,” he said.

“I've come to terms with the fact I can't have it all in this stage. I've prioritized what's most important right now and it will dominate my time accordingly: my kids, my wife Amy, close family, old friends, new friends, and personal hobbies. And in that order,” he said.

“I’ve probably lost hope for new friends and personal hobbies for the next few years. I've come to terms with it. I'll have plenty of time for that stuff at the next stage, empty nesters,” said Tyler. “In my opinion, if you don't come to terms with it, you try to do it all and you'll go insane. Not to say I don't play golf or see friends. I'm just aware not to set expectations of how often I'll get the chance. If I do, I'll be disappointed!”

As Pat Lencioni writes in his book The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family, when describing a strategy like Matt’s: “It gives them clarity about how they will make decisions in the face of pressure to do and be what everyone else wants them to do and be.”

Gobdel agreed, "The good ones get it done. Successful leaders find a way to make both business and family life work. Successful leaders approach their family life with the same focus, people sensitivity, and team building approach as they do in their work. They are the same in work and in their personal relations. They don't compartmentalize or act differently."

“Our challenge comes in the way of sports and the cab driving role it demands,” said Tyler. “Technology has seriously aided us in working together as a couple with family commitments. Three kids means three travel sports per season and usually in three different directions. But there are only two of us.”

He continued, “Our iPhones and iPads are key. Amy and I have access to each other's calendar via these devices. It's sounds trivial, but with so many moving schedules, it eliminates the need to constantly huddle with each other on where people need to be. In fact, our oldest has now requested access to the calendar as well!”

“The other thing is that it’s easier to catch up on e-mails – via iPads – in between kid functions. It's not as paralyzing to be out of the office as it once was. I can truly accomplish much of what I could at my desk from the parking lot of a ball field as I wait for practice to wrap up,” said Tyler.

For Hutti and Gobdel, it's clear they enjoy their work with executives. Hutti only wishes there was more time with them. "It would be great if I could bring them all together more often."

"I wish a couple of things for the executives I work with,” said Gobdel. “First I wish they were as lucky as I've been over the years to have had some great mentors. I don't see enough of this. I also wish more of them were having more fun."

That reminds me of something one of my mentors, Greg Downes, has said about being the leader of an organization, "Nobody fully prepares you for how lonely things can be at the top." As a leader you must always be cognizant of your personal and company brand. You may be unsure of what is okay or when you need to apply a little more discretion now that you’re in the top job. Likewise, those around you tend to feel the same way. They’re unsure of whether or not they should involve you and often error on the side of socializing and engaging less than they have in the past.

What’s The Risk?
One of my partners, Ryan Colvin, describes it like this, “Early on its lots of fun. You’re building and it doesn’t even seem like work. Then the business matures and things get tougher right as expectations are increasing. Throw in growing families, kids getting older and more activities, and suddenly there is a lot of pressure both at work and at home. It’s easy to lose sight of your goals and stop innovating and growing which are the very things that were so exciting and enjoyable!”

He makes a good point. Just look at the U.S. presidents and how they age during their four years in office. I’ve seen the same from friends and colleagues that have taken on the top job.

I don’t think there is single script that will work for everyone, but here is what has served me well:

  • Relative to work and home, focus on what you you’re best at and build a team around you (or hire a lawn guy) to do the stuff you don’t love. You’ll enjoy it more and deliver greater value to your organization (and your family).
  • Plan for the long haul but don’t miss “the now”. I see so many who strike out on both fronts.
  • Prioritize what is important and accept that you’ll have to make choices along the way. Don’t make excuses. You can fit in what you want to. Once you’ve made your choices, be comfortable with them.
  • Use technology to gain efficiencies. As an example, my wife and I use the Wunderlist app to update our shopping lists. It’s on our iPads and iPhones as well as my desktop.
  • Make sure to have relationships in your life that you can count on, besides your family. A good mentor or two can’t be overvalued. But remember your friends, too. You need an outlet for fun.

All that said, leading an organization is a truly rewarding experience. There are tough days and there are lonely days, but there are also many great days. And that doesn’t have to come at the expense of your family.

Gobdel finished with this gem, "I wish they fully appreciated what a privilege it is to be a leader. And a responsibility! To build a business and to serve client and employee needs is a high calling.

 

Topics: Executive
Tim Leman

Written by Tim Leman

Tim is Chairman and CEO at Gibson. He joined Gibson in 2005 as the Director of the Employee Benefits Practice and became a principal in 2007. He was named President in 2009, CEO in 2011, and elected Chairman of the Board in 2014.

With Tim’s leadership, Gibson has been selected as a Best Places to Work in Indiana, named to Principal’s 10 Best list for employee financial security, maintained its status as a Reagan & Associates Best Practices Agency, recognized as one of 20 Indiana Companies To Watch, and named to the Inc. 5000 list. Read Tim's Full Bio