4 min read

Difficult Conversations

Jun 6, 2014 2:30:00 AM

iStock_000015996609SmallRecently Jerry Scott and I were revisiting some of the concepts from our blog last August on Level 5 Leadership: Do I Have Fierce Resolve? In that blog we talked about some of the research from the Collins book Good to Great. I always enjoy getting Jerry’s perspective froma twenty-plus year career managing people.

A Level 5 Leader recognizes that “Who” comes first. It’s about getting the right people on the bus and in the right seats and getting the wrong people off the bus. It’s about creating a culture of discipline – disciplined people, thoughts, and actions. Finally, it’s about a fanatical devotion to excellence and execution with the courage to confront reality and make the big “all or nothing” judgment calls. And with a total disregard for the CEO’s personal wants and needs, Jerry reminds me!

What sparked the renewed conversation on the subject is how to balance this with Gibson’s core value of Optimism Reigns: Attitude and outlook impact results. How do you balance optimism with the concept of getting the wrong people off the bus? How do you have a positive culture of engaged employees while creating a culture of discipline and execution? What happens when someone doesn’t measure up?

If they aren’t a problem in the sense of creating upheaval or “noise” they may be left in this state for years. Multiply that as the organization grows and you will demotivate your achievers and eventually drag down your operating margin. All of this because a leader did not step up and have the difficult conversation. It starts with allowing mediocrity to gain a foothold and not having the courage to stop it. I can promise you that when this happens optimism will not reign in your organization!

So Jerry and I began to talk about how to have difficult conversations around performance. Jerry said, “There are a number of good books on the subject. One of the best in my opinion is Difficult Conversations, How to Discuss What Matters Most by Stone, Patton, and Heen. The book teaches you how to break down difficult conversations in order to take the emotion out and to make sure both parties are heard.”

One technique is to start from the third story: “In addition to your story and the other person’s story, every difficult conversation includes an invisible third story. The third story is the one a keen observer would tell, someone with no stake in your particular problem.”

However, the starting point is actually much more fundamental: resolve to have the difficult conversation. If an employee is not meeting expectation then resolve to deal with it. According to Jerry, what initially stops most managers is the fact that it’s pretty hard in most cases to “prove” someone’s shortcomings.

He said, “In a world that is sensitive to offense and prone to lawsuits, we are gradually becoming conditioned to avoid talking about shortcomings unless we have documented proof ‘beyond the shadow of a doubt.’ No wonder most managers avoid the issue!”

And it’s not just managers overseeing staff. How many hard conversations do we whiff on with partners and peers? I sometimes blame it on midwestern values that confuse being honest and candid with being mean. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so instead we’re not honest in our feedback and allow the situation to continue.

Jerry added, “There is nothing wrong with sitting down with an employee or partner and discussing why they are not meeting your expectation in plain language. Those reasons can be attitude based, they can be based on feedback from customers and other stakeholders, or they can be metrics based which is rare. The bottom line is that we generally know when someone isn’t measuring up and we can’t be afraid to say why we feel that way.”

The starting point is resolving to have the difficult conversation and then having it. But according to Jerry, “The real value comes from creating a game plan to improve the situation. You have to come out of the conversation with a written plan to improve. It can be as simple as a follow up email recapping the conversation, what was agreed to and a plan to follow up and evaluate progress.”

Then you must follow up. Don’t let it drop. I find this either produces the necessary improvement or the individual will recognize, on their own, that they are the wrong person on your bus. And that’s ok. Your bus may not be for everyone.

What’s The Risk?

The risk is being willing to settle in order to avoid a difficult conversation. I’ve participated in and witnessed this problem too often over the years. I think we fool ourselves into believing the situation will get better by itself. Or maybe we just follow the all too human instinct to avoid unpleasantness? Whatever the reason, subtle allowances start to be made to work around the problem. People’s workloads are reduced. Key projects are rerouted to other people. A sort of informal quarantine starts to develop that eventually leaves the employee in a chronically underutilized state. In the end, organizations suffer. And so does the person with whom you avoided the tough conversation in the first place.

Ultimately it becomes clear that the balance of Optimism happens when difficult conversations result in improved performance and getting the right people on the bus. Top performers become re-energized, mediocrity has no room, and the situation has the opportunity to be resolved.

Topics: Executive
Tim Leman

Written by Tim Leman

Tim is Chairman and CEO at Gibson. He joined Gibson in 2005 as the Director of the Employee Benefits Practice and became a principal in 2007. He was named President in 2009, CEO in 2011, and elected Chairman of the Board in 2014.

With Tim’s leadership, Gibson has been selected as a Best Places to Work in Indiana, named to Principal’s 10 Best list for employee financial security, maintained its status as a Reagan & Associates Best Practices Agency, recognized as one of 20 Indiana Companies To Watch, and named to the Inc. 5000 list. Read Tim's Full Bio