Today we’re sharing insight from guest blogger Greg Downes, Chairman Emeritus at Gibson. We hope you enjoy Greg’s wisdom and perspective.
Several years ago my good friend and sometime coach, Tony Hutti of Executive Forums fame, held a half day seminar to present and discuss a new book by Susan Scott called Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and In Life, One Conversation at a Time.
Not to exaggerate the point, but it changed my life.
Some of you may be put off or turned off by the word fierce, but on the front of the book the definition of fierce is shown as "robust, intense, strong, powerful, passionate, eager, unbridled"... all very positive words, at least to me.
In the foreword by Ken Blanchard, what caught my eye was his first sentence, "The notion that our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time is at once commonsensical and revolutionary." Now perhaps it just happened at a time when I really needed a tool to help me in my role as President and CEO of Gibson to address some performance issues I couldn't seem to fix. Maybe there were things I needed to say to people I hadn't yet had the courage to say. Maybe I just hadn't been able to find the right words. Maybe I just needed a push in the right direction.
Regardless, it taught me one of the most important lessons I have ever learned - tell people the truth, tell it like it is, tell them exactly what you think, positive or negative, good or bad, and maybe, just maybe, good things will happen. Worst case scenario? They reject what you have to say. But at least they know where you stand and what your expectations are. And you feel a whole lot better for saying what has been on your mind, most likely for a long, long time.
Now, there are 7 Principles of Fierce Conversations. I do have my favorites but the complete list, in order, is:
- Master The Courage To Interrogate Reality
- Come Out From Behind Yourself Into The Conversation And Make It Real
- Be Here, Prepared To Be Nowhere Else
- Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today
- Obey Your Instincts
- Take Responsibility For Your Emotional Wake
- Let Silence Do The Heavy Lifting
#4, Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today, over time became somewhat of a mantra for me, when I realized the thing causing me the most stress in my business life was that I kept trying to solve the same problems over and over again. Once I realized that, I really tried to address the toughest things first so I could make NEW mistakes and face NEW problems. I even started saying that to my team - let's stop repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Let's make new ones! It really helped me to, once and for all, address some problems or mistakes of the past and focus on the future. I never felt better in my life.
#5, Obey Your Instincts, told me to do what I had always felt I should - not just trust my instincts but follow them! This is great advice for anyone. Don't just trust your gut, obey it.
#7, Let Silence Do The Heavy Lifting, was probably the hardest one for me - say what needed to be said, particularly during a "Fierce Conversation" and then Shut Up and Listen! Amazing things happened once I learned to let the silence do its part.
Another great thing happened once I got the nerve to actually have a couple of fierce conversations. I realized the subject matter didn't have to be something negative. Instead, I realized there were things I had always wanted to tell people, even my family, that for one reason or another, I had never had the courage to say or was simply too scared that I might not get through it without showing too much emotion or even crying. Simple things like, "mom, have I ever told you that you are my hero and how much I love you?"
I even got to the point where, if I felt I couldn't get through a conversation face to face without breaking down, if it was something very positive like a Thank You, I put it in an email, set it aside for a day or two, and, if it still sounded ok, I hit "send." A couple of times I actually wrote a letter. Yes, a real, hand-written letter. Not an email or a text. A letter!
What's The Risk?
It's very simple. Would you rather have the same thoughts over and over again, thinking to yourself, "I should have said this or told him that" or would you rather feel like you have tried your best to be honest with someone and told them exactly how you feel? Just imagine how much better you might feel! Try it. It's magic...
P.S. Thanks Tony!
This content was written and shared by guest blogger, Greg Downes
Greg is Chairman Emeritus at Gibson. After teaching school for three years in South Bend, Greg joined Travelers Insurance Company in 1973, where he received extensive training as an underwriter in all phases of property and liability insurance. He was assistant manager of the commercial lines department in South Bend, and subsequently joined Gibson in 1980. He worked as President and Chief Executive Officer for many years before becoming Chairman of the Board. He is now Chairman Emeritus.
